I'll stand by you.

These few days have brought back many memories of Jina...

Really...

From her scent, to the thoughts of going to Korea to find her...

I wonder, if I'll still have the strength, the courage, and the want to find her when I'm out of my duty...

And if I am able to find her with all these sea of people...

And I even if I found her, can I dare say, I won't let nobody hurt you...

I'll stand by you.

Even God Has Wicked Schemes

Tonight feels like there is a rapture on my heart.

Seeing my parents argue again from since the longest time stirred so much chaos and evil in my heart.

I guess being older doesn't mean you get mature, but you just become someone different from who you are.

And for me, I'll grow, from all these encounters to be someone I don't want to be.

But still, its the only path I can walk to growing up.

Because all these is part of God's plans, and even God does conjure up wicked schemes.

The 4th Chapter?

It seems like another chapter of my army life has passed.

First, there was basic, then came specialist foundation, and then I have just finished my armor training.

And throughout it all, I had met many great friends, many great pals and brothers.

And throughout it all, they were there to support me, and grant me the will and strength to continue.

And yet, as I start to carry on forward, I can't help but wonder, what would I do without them fighting alongside me.

My buddy, Zhi Xuan, is going to another unit. And same goes for many others. Dom, Chia, Charlie, Tze Koon, Sam...

I just wish all the best to them.

And of course, without this special person, I'll never had become a fighter in the first place. Thank you Jina Kim.

I'll Fly

I'll be leaving the safety and comfort of my home. And I still wonder, how it'll be when I'm there.

I'll miss home though, I know I will. Mum, Dad, my brother and sisters. Do take care when I'm not around.

I'll be home soon.

And Jina, will this be one more big step closer to where you are?

I'm all alone

Towards the end of the year, I can only say, I have gained much, but have lost a lot as well.

What I have gained? Perhaps the greatest are the new buddies I have met from my BMT days. They made me stronger, made me more confident, and made me more happy after leaving my civilian life.

And what I have lost?

Jina. I don't know why, but even till now, I tear for her. I still cry when I hear this beautiful song that is playing while you are reading this.

There are so many times I just wish I could give up, on the life I'm leading, and also the love I have for her.

And although many say its just a crush, I know its more than that, or else it wouldn't hurt this much... It wouldn't. And no matter how many times I lie to myself, I could just get another woman, it just hurts.

No amount of joy and simulation would make me forget this passion I have, or had for this angel that appeared in my life...

And now that I'm all alone, I can finally cry again, while thinking back on those beautiful days.

Because that is all I can do...

Someone, please save me...
From all this hurt.

That Long Walk

Right before I had my route march I felt really terrible, because I know it was going to tough and harsh, and it was. Throughout the night, it was horrible from the time we stepped out of our company line as it was raining, but also, throughout the night, I could feel my heart, and know what I've always wanted.

It was that long walk, that made me realise so many things.

There are things that I feel really grateful for, the people, and the places that I grew up in. But there is a part of me who wants more than that.

I want to be with the one, the wonderful lady I love. Or at least, I want to see her smiles, and see her being happy. I don't know why, but I just want to hold her so badly.

And it was all those dreams that makes me want to hold on to them even more, even when I was resting during the long walk, I could still dream of Jina. At my lowest, I dreamt of her. And its because of this reason, I'm willing to wait, because I know she is the one for me.

There's still Love

I don't know what this feeling is... But at times, I cry when I see her pictures, and at others, I just can't feel anything at all...

Where was the promise I made? Is it still there, or has it gone away...

It felt like a long time ago, when I last told you, I'll miss you... Even though it has only been a few months.

And it felt like years ago, when I hugged you for the first time...

And I wish, I can always remember that hug you gave me.

Because that was when you gave me love.
There's still love.
I know it...

Babe, you're not alone

So much has happened lately...

Firstly, I have finally passed out from my basic army training. I am somehow relieved, as this block of troubled time has finally passed. But throughout all these hectic and also chaotic days, I have found friends, even more of them whom I can trust and depend on when I need the help.

So much has happened during the past four months. I can't say they were short, because I know they weren't when I fell, but now while looking back, I feel, that it was a small part of my life well spent, and well done.

I wonder if I will still be the same old person I once was, or have I changed?

I do know one thing, and that is, a little part of me still wants to be with Jina.

In camp, I had friends who I had fun with me, and one of them gave me a number of a girl. Her name is Regina(kinda coincidental isn't it?), but as much as I want to shift my attention elseway, this really little part just can't move on.

And then yesterday, I talked to Jina through facebook chat. So much memories have been relieved.

And she then asked me what I want for my future, and I told her, to open a cafe...

She then proceed to tell me... To invite her when I do and she'll be there.
And I said I promise I will...

And I remembered, the last thing I told her was I'll miss her...

Cease the Cries

Sometimes I would wander, my mind will go off by itself, thinking about the days long passed, and the days that can never return.

And sometimes during those moments, something sensitive would prick into my skin and I will start to tear.

I don't know why, but sometimes I do wonder, if tomorrow will ever be better than yesterday, or even today. But what I do know, even though there tears and pain in my yesterdays, they were certainly beautiful.

Days with my family, my grandad, to my best friends, from ACS, to Shatec, and now to army, to with the women I do enjoy being with, Constance and Jina, all seem so close, and yet so far.

The past may seem too far now, even though they are always in my heart.

And till it stops beating, those memories will not cease my crying. But I am crying because I'll definitely miss those times together.

To have loved, than never at all.

Yes, its a really painful feeling, not knowing when is the next time I can ever see her again. And my tears would sometimes drop from my cheeks secretly when no one else is looking.

But I know, she was a woman I am willing to fall deeply for. She was a woman I know I am willing to stand by.

And even though she might never think the same way, I'm just at peace, knowing that it was in my favor to have been beside her in the best and worst of circumstances.

And I guess, its good that I had loved HER, than loving someone else, or never at all.

And throughout all these pain, there is always a smile I can relate, and remember...